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Published On: Dec 22, 2003 02:57 PM
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Dec 22, 2003 02:57 PM
Emotions and Answers
We only THINK we're responding to the
facts...we're really responding to the feelings.
Even when we think we're being rational, we're
still working from an emotional core. When someone says something inflammatory,
we often think we're responding to the content of their message when we become
upset and angry, but that is seldom, if ever, the case. We're really responding
to he emotional content of what they
say.
Let's say somebody goes to the boss and says of a coworker, "I can't believe you'd actually allow that idiot to work on the Johnson case...you know he's going to mess it all up!" The boss robustly defends the coworker, citing many instances of competence and cases of significant genius, and then dresses the other employee down for implying that the boss doesn't know how to do her job. Is the boss's emotion related to the content of the message? No, it's related to the emotional underpinnings...the boss feels insulted by the employees presumption and tone. To make matters worse, the boss may also be stressed from several other instances in which she felt her competence had been called into question, and she remembers that when she was a kid, he father never seemed to think she did anything right. The content could have been dealt with unemotionally by saying, "If you're ever the boss, you can assign anyone you like."
If you say my idea is bad, my suggestion is silly, my facts are incorrect, my pronunciation is off, etc., at my core I'm going to feel something. Managing one's emotions before responding is a learnable skill, and takes some practice...and even then, no one can be non-emotional all the time.
Let's say somebody goes to the boss and says of a coworker, "I can't believe you'd actually allow that idiot to work on the Johnson case...you know he's going to mess it all up!" The boss robustly defends the coworker, citing many instances of competence and cases of significant genius, and then dresses the other employee down for implying that the boss doesn't know how to do her job. Is the boss's emotion related to the content of the message? No, it's related to the emotional underpinnings...the boss feels insulted by the employees presumption and tone. To make matters worse, the boss may also be stressed from several other instances in which she felt her competence had been called into question, and she remembers that when she was a kid, he father never seemed to think she did anything right. The content could have been dealt with unemotionally by saying, "If you're ever the boss, you can assign anyone you like."
If you say my idea is bad, my suggestion is silly, my facts are incorrect, my pronunciation is off, etc., at my core I'm going to feel something. Managing one's emotions before responding is a learnable skill, and takes some practice...and even then, no one can be non-emotional all the time.
Posted: Mon - December 8, 2003 at 03:36 PM