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Published On: Dec 23, 2003 10:00 AM
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Dec 23, 2003 10:00 AM
Show Some Respect
Don't make the mistake of trivializing
the feelings expressed by a worker or a customer.
A patient expressed a fear of going to the doctor.
The receptionist who made the appointment made a note on the patient's chart.
The nurse who prepared the patient said to the patient, "I don't know why
ANYbody would be afraid of visiting the doctor. We don't bite, for heaven's
sake." Rather than feeling reassured, the patient never went back to see that
doctor again.
What happened? The patient had the nerve to be honest about her feelings, and the nurse took it personally. She shouldn't have said this particular thing to the patient, even though she was trying to be reassuring. The reason for this is that she belittled the patient's feelings, which the patient expressed at personal risk. The answer implies "You shouldn't feel the way you do." Suppose she had instead told the patient, "I understand how you feel...we'll do whatever we can to make you feel comfortable here. Please let me know if anything doesn't sit well."
This illustrates an important idea: it's nearly always a mistake to tell someone how they should or shouldn't feel. Most people find that even if they can manage their own emotion, they can seldom control first reactions and old anxieties. When someone expresses a fear, however irrational it may seem to you, it's very real to her or him. Admitting to a fear is a step towards managing it, but it involves a certain amount of risk...trivializing that fear actually justifies it rather than mitigating as intended. The patient's natural reaction will be, "I was right to be afraid."
Instead, express understanding of the fear, even if you think it's unjustified. (If you paid attention during the seminar, that won't be a lie: you will understand it.) The most effective way to deal with fear, whether from an employee or a customer, is to provide an experience in which the feared results don't materialize it...you can't talk someone out of anxiety.
What happened? The patient had the nerve to be honest about her feelings, and the nurse took it personally. She shouldn't have said this particular thing to the patient, even though she was trying to be reassuring. The reason for this is that she belittled the patient's feelings, which the patient expressed at personal risk. The answer implies "You shouldn't feel the way you do." Suppose she had instead told the patient, "I understand how you feel...we'll do whatever we can to make you feel comfortable here. Please let me know if anything doesn't sit well."
This illustrates an important idea: it's nearly always a mistake to tell someone how they should or shouldn't feel. Most people find that even if they can manage their own emotion, they can seldom control first reactions and old anxieties. When someone expresses a fear, however irrational it may seem to you, it's very real to her or him. Admitting to a fear is a step towards managing it, but it involves a certain amount of risk...trivializing that fear actually justifies it rather than mitigating as intended. The patient's natural reaction will be, "I was right to be afraid."
Instead, express understanding of the fear, even if you think it's unjustified. (If you paid attention during the seminar, that won't be a lie: you will understand it.) The most effective way to deal with fear, whether from an employee or a customer, is to provide an experience in which the feared results don't materialize it...you can't talk someone out of anxiety.
Posted: Tue - December 23, 2003 at 09:56 AM