Leadership isn't the same thing as authority. Having people work for you doesn't make you a leader. The prime component of leadership is emotional maturity, and that's a quality that can be improved in just about anyone, as long as he or she is willing to do these things:

• evaluation
• goal-setting
• modification
• evaluation

The first step is evaluation: an objective self-assessment of where you are versus where you want to be. You can get help with this, in either formal (with a therapist or other mental health professional, a business coach, etc.) or casual (a frank conversation with a friend) ways.

The main thing, though, is to be very honest with yourself about the way you deal with life, even if that means looking at things you'd rather not have to deal with. In fact, I'd say that if during your self-assessment you don't find anything that is painful or difficult to accept, you probably haven't been thorough (or perhaps you haven't been honest) enough.

The second step: based on your findings, it's then important to look at where you'd like to be. How would you describe your goal in emotional maturity? What would you like to be able to handle better?

Some worthwhile goals to set for one's self might include:

• self-calming: your ability to return to a calm state after an emotional event

• relaxation: your ability to leave work behind, to take time completely off

• listening: your ability to hear what others are saying with appropriate interaction

• deferring gratification: your ability to wait for what you want until an opportune moment

• compassion: your ability to understand the feelings of others

• differentiation: your ability to stick to your goals despite pressure to abandon them

The third step is modification. How are you going to get from where you are to where you want to be?